Explaining Privacy

Why might it be of interest?

This is quite a simple and straightforward way of explaining the difference between private spaces and public spaces and examples of what is and isn’t appropriate behavior in each.  I am reproducing it here as I can’t now find the document on the CDSS website and the link to the document in yumpu (above) is not so easy to read.

There are resources referenced in the online document that I am not including here – partly because this document is already more than 10 years old!  The CDSS also has resources around adolescence and sexuality.

Your children need to understand about privacy. It helps to discuss privacy by talking about the colours that can be used to signify various stages of privacy – ranging from private to public.

• Think about the colours of the traffic signals – green, red and yellow
• You may use coloured cards as you talk about each concept
• You may have your child colour in pictures using the three colours

Ensure your child understands the traffic signals concept before you start:

• Red stands for things that are private
• Yellow stands for Be Careful
• Green stands for things that are public

Places

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PUBLIC PLACE (OR A GREEN PLACE)

• Anyone can go there. There is usually no doorbell and you would not need
• to knock or ask permission to enter
• Some rooms in our homes are public. There is not usually a door on these rooms
• There may be strangers in these places
• When we are in a public place, we need to behave in a way that is okay to strangers

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PRIVATE PLACE (OR A RED PLACE)

• There are very few private places in our lives
• Usually our bedroom and our bathroom
• We need to do things to make our private areas very private. We would shut the door and close the curtains
• If someone wants to enter another person’s private places, they must knock on the door and wait to be invited in
• When we are in our private places, we can do anything we want
• These things would be none of anyone else’s business

CHARACTERISTICS OF A CAREFUL PLACE (OR A YELLOW PLACE)

• These are found in public places, but are there to allow us to do something that is private. An example is a changing room in the store
• We need to be careful when we use these places.

For example, if we are trying on a new garment, we would be certain the door or curtain is closed. We would also only remove those clothes that were absolutely necessary for us to see how the new item looks.

Important things about places

A question that helps clarify whether a place is Public/Private or Be Careful is “Could you ever change your clothes in this place?”

• If the answer is “No! Never!” then the place would be a “Public” place
• If the answer is “Yes”, then the place could be a “Private or Careful” place

HOW TO BEHAVE IN DIFFERENT PLACES

Characteristics of Public Behaviour

• These can be done in front of strangers
• They are okay in most places

Characteristics of Private Behaviour

• These are done in a private place with the door shut, and the curtains (or blinds) closed
• There is nothing wrong with these behaviours –they are special and we save them for our personal, private times.
• If another person is involved, they must already have a private relationship like a husband or wife.
• If another person is involved, that person must be okay with what is happening
• Other people would feel embarrassed to see us doing things that are private

Characteristics of Be Careful Behaviour

• It is not quite as personal as a private behaviour, but we often want privacy to do it. (Grooming and adjustment of underclothing would be a Be Careful Behaviour)
• Some Be Careful Behaviour can be done in public, but only if it is okay to do it in that situation. An example is dancing – okay at a dance, but not in a grocery store!
• We need to think about whether other people will be upset if they see us doing these things
• Some displays of affection might be “Be Careful”’ while others would be considered to be private

WHAT TO WEAR IN DIFFERENT PLACES

Characteristics of Public Clothing

• You can wear it just about anywhere
• It’s okay if strangers see you wearing it

 Characteristics of Private Clothing

• It can never be shown in public
• It must always be covered – including underwear bands not showing above jeans, bra straps not falling out of sleeves and top of knee high hose not showing above hem
• Strangers are never allowed to see it

 Characteristics of Be Careful Clothing

• You can wear in some situations but not in others
• You can wear to some places but not to others
• Examples are clothes worn for sports, Halloween costumes, swimsuits, etc
• You have to think about whether Be Careful clothing would be seen as okay. For example, would other people be wearing a swimsuit to work?
• Different families have different beliefs about certain items of clothing

WHAT BODY PARTS DO YOU COVER?

Characteristics of Public Body Parts

• They may be seen by anyone, including strangers
• They may be considered to be Public in Ireland, but Private in other countries. For example, hair may need to be covered in other countries and cultures

 Characteristics of Private Body Parts

• They must be kept covered at all times when we are in public
• If they must be uncovered in a Be Careful place, we must be careful to keep them as covered as we can
• They are the body parts that are usually covered by our underwear and bathing suit

Characteristics of Be Careful Body Parts

• They may be shown in public some of the time
• Examples are the beach, backyard, and fancy eveningwear for women

Remember: We do not have the right to touch another person – even on a public body part without his or her permission.